Tim Cook took the stage and proudly proclaimed that, for the Apple Watch, "The list of features is a mile long." That's exactly the problem. The hardware is sophisticated, exquisite, and refined in typical Apple fashion. But instead of offering a simple solution to an obvious problem, the Apple Watch offers endless solutions to non-existent problems. At a time when Apple has finally yielded to cries for larger screens, it's now offloading what seems like every task imaginable to the Apple Watch's tiny display. Digital crown or not, I don't see myself texting, getting directions, or browsing cherished photo memories on my wrist. I have a smartphone for that.

And then there was the gaping hole in the Apple Watch announcement: battery life. Oh, there's a fancy MagSafe charger, but how often will you have to use it? Every night, most likely. I'm already a slave to my smartphone charger. Another device to babysit? No, thank you. Also missing: waterproof specs. If it can't stand up to some rain or the occasional spilled drink, it'll quickly become a $350 paperweight.

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Price is another factor. At $350, it's 75 percent more expensive than the iPhone 6 itself, which you'll also need to even use the Apple Watch. An accessory shouldn't cost more than the device it accessorizes. But maybe Apple doesn't consider this an accessory.

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And that brings us back to the features. Apple products have succeeded through simplicity and usability, not mile-long feature lists. That's Samsung's territory. The original Galaxy Gear could make calls and take pictures, but did anyone really opt to use those features on their watch rather than their good old-fashioned smartphone? It was a cool demo and novelty you could show off, but quickly grew old. Sound familiar? I'm looking at you Siri.

I'm also not particularly excited by the digital crown, which seemed to boggle Tim Cook's mind. Touch gestures like pinch to zoom or drag to scroll are entirely intuitive, even if you do cover some of the content in the process. Turning a dial to scroll, select, and zoom, depending on the context of the app, doesn't seem like a good solution. Now I haven't used the watch yet, and if anyone can make that UI intuitive, it's Apple, but it still gives me pause. That's something I never felt with the iPhone or the iPad.

Aside from its looks, so much about the Apple Watch just seems very un-Apple-like. Many say that Apple waits until a category is mature until it enters, but I'm not convinced that smartwatches have reached that point. Like the iPhone 6's bigger screen, the Apple Watch's mere existence feels reactionary rather than revolutionary.

For another take, check out 5 Reasons the Apple Watch Is a Winner.