A ridiculously self-defeating toy, the VTech Flipsies Sandy's House and Ocean Cruiser ($39.99) purports to be a boat with a doll who dreams of being a marine biologist, but fails on both counts. This isn't to condemn Flipsies, which are an attractive bunch of modular playsets with some cute talking dolls. But this particular unit basically dares kids to play with it in a way that's going to destroy the toy.

The playset measures about 5.5 by 18.9 by 12 inches (HWD). To test the playset, I brought in my 9-year-old daughter, who has helped with several other PCMag reviews. "I'm a Playmobil girl, so I like this kind of thing," she said, opening up the box. Inside, there's a small doll named Sandy, a two-level houseboat that converts into an "ocean cruiser," an attachable water slide, a zipline, and various pieces of movable, rearrangeable furniture and tools. Some bits, like the kitchen utensils, are tiny, but my daughter said (and I agree) that the toy should be fine for ages 4 to 9.

Although Sandy aspires to be a marine biologist, she does not have a lab or a study, has no computer, and does not write or do any science. She does, however, have a TV with a sticker of dolphins on it.

The tech aspect of Flipsies involves the doll sitting on or standing at eight "magic points," including the bathtub, the sink, the kitchen table, and a chair. When you sit her down or press a button, she says a little quip. There are eight different Flipsies dolls, and they can all hang out in each others' playsets, saying different things when they're snapped into their seats. If you sit them across from each other, they'll have a brief conversation.

This Isn't What It Appears to Be

So here's the problem: This is a boat playset with an attachable water slide. But on page 15 of the instructions (page 15!), it mentions you aren't supposed to put in in the water. What?

My daughter took the boat into the bath, of course, and found that it didn't float, and tipped over. Never mind that. The Sandy doll stopped working when she got wet. I opened its battery compartment later to find that one of the batteries had actually corroded and burned a little bit, which is genuinely dangerous; there was also rust in Sandy's battery compartment. (Let's note the doll had been used for two days.)

"I wish I could float it in the bath," the kid said. Obviously. It's a boat.

Sandy also seems to be more of a girl on vacation than an aspiring marine biologist. She prattles off lines like "Who's ready for some fun in the sun?" and "This is the perfect place to relax. I've got the sun and the sand and the remote in my hand."

Sandy's command of bad nautical puns is spot-on, but she shows zero interest in science and seems like a total airhead. Once again, that would be fine—dolls can be airheads—except that she's supposed to want to be a scientist, which my daughter found really disappointing. Perhaps if Sandy's dream had been advertised as "owning a yacht" as opposed to "wanting to be a marine biologist," we would have been less disappointed. It's all very dangerously close to "Barbie says, math is hard."

My daughter is the forgiving type. She pointed out that the toy is basically cute, the doll's face is "hilarious," the various parts would interchange well with her other toys, and "if I was four, I'd play with this all the time." But Sandy may need to focus more on her future career ambitions, and she definitely needs to be a little more water-resistant. Until then, this boat goes into dry dock.

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