We've played "Duke Nukem Forever." We swear we've played it. We've even brought back proof that we played it. And when we played it, Gearbox president Randy Pitchford promised us—promised us!—unequivocally that the game would be released May 3. Today, word has emerged that the game is being delayed until June 14 in the United States and June 10 internationally.
We're crushed, but we suppose we shouldn't be surprised. Duke Nukem Forever is the most-delayed title in the modern history of game development. Originally slated for release in 1997—and that's not a typo—this sequel to 1996's "Duke Nukem 3D" has seen countless changes of hands, vanishing and reappearing developers, lawsuits, and more trade shows than PCMag's intrepid staff. It's even won Wired's Vaporware of the Year of the Award more than once—several times after it received a 2004 lifetime achievement award.
At least Pitchford is sympathetic to Duke's legions of fans and gawking onlookers. In a press release today, he said, "I'm very sorry for the added delay. We've all been working extremely hard and are very eager to deliver the game to you. I've been thinking of these lyrics from the great country song, 'He's The Duke'—'He told us if we waited we could Come Get Some, but I never knew Forever was going to be so long.' If you're like me, June cannot come quickly enough."
Pitchford gave no additional reason for the latest delay, but took the time to record the "Very Special Message" video we've embedded below, so at least you can see for yourself that this is the real thing and not a week's-early April Fool's gag.
Whether we like it or not, it looks like we'll all have to wait six more weeks to find out whether an ostensibly retired Duke still has it in him to finish off an armada of invading aliens, or if the Earth is now and forever doomed to extraterrestrial subjugation.
The good news is that, after this, there's no chance whatsoever the game won't come out as scheduled on June 14.
Right? Right?